Most of my life, I fought with my mind. I was plagued by depression, anger, negative thinking, sadness. I was on anti-depressants, I repeated nasty cycles of substance abuse and alcoholism, I suffered daily with constant attacks from my mind, self-defeating thoughts and feelings. I always thought that positive emotions only happened when something positive happened to me. I looked for happiness externally. Like many of us, I had no idea that I could train my mind to serve me, and that I could harness positive thinking toward finding my highest self.
It was a fall morning when the break down happened. I was supposed to be somewhere selling real estate, which I hated, and I found myself in my driveway unable to move the car out of "park." I started crying. I felt like my life was passing me by, and even though I knew intellectually that I was healthy and in many ways, blessed, I had a profound feeling that I had never truly experienced joy, peace, and even love. At that moment, I resented everyone. I began spiraling downward, thinking about why others have more than I do... money, nice clothes, big homes, seemingly no problems. I was convinced that these people, ALL people, were happier than I was. Sobbing, I called my husband and he immediately scheduled an appointment with a psychologist.
The meeting went well. I was expecting an official diagnosis of insanity, when, to my surprise, the counselor simply said, “Just continue your medication until you get through these things and start taking care of yourself. You need to do things for you." I had mentioned that I had started taking yoga and he encouraged me to continue.
Well, I kept up my yoga, it was difficult in the beginning, but my body was starting to respond and my mood was lifting. I was always so amazed at how open, light hearted and peaceful I felt after a class. I began to see things in a different way. I was becoming conscious of so much and my thoughts became less judgemental and critical, both about myself and others. For the first time in my life, I was looking at the glass as half full. I started to see opportunity and feel more joy.
I realized that I was most moved by yoga classes that incorporated accessing positive emotions... gratitude, peace, joy, grace, etc. My emotions had always “run” my life, and through yoga, I was learning to lift my self esteem from the inside out so that I could honestly begin to live an amazing and deserved life. In fact, I started to feel so good that I wanted to take these amazing results and help others. So, I certified to teach yoga, and now, I have created Meditation in Motion.
Today, I can tell you that I truly experience joy, peace, love and gratitude on a daily basis. I enjoy my life to the fullest. I thrive on a diet of positive thoughts and practices, and I feel great in my own skin. It is my deepest desire that you, too, benefit from the amazing tools that have helped to transform me. I hope you'll join me on my journey toward a break through.
With love and courage,